Emperor Zinyak has taken over Deep Silver and issued a statement ahead of Saints Row 4’s release

Written by Brandon Hofer on July 29, 2013

News: Saints Row 4 is hitting store shelves on August 20 but before that, Emperor Zinyak has issued a statement to the human species.

Saints Row 4 is hitting store shelves on August 20 but for now Emperor Zinyak has issued a press release on a new version of the game. The press release is below:

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ZIN EMPIRE, July 26, 2013 – ATTENTION ALL SENTIENT MEMBERS OF THE HUMAN SPECIES:

Hello. Emperor Zinyak here, speaking through the abominable and lowly marketing and public relations departments of Deep Silver, which I assure you will be much handled now that I am in control. It has come to my attention that the so-called “Super Dangerous Wub Wub Edition” of the upcoming Saints Row IV title for PC and Consoles needed more “wub” and rare items for the gamers of today and therefore I have commandeered these contemptible departments to issue news of my own version of the Saints Row IV collector’s edition, one collector’s edition to rule them all. Today I present to you the SAINTS ROW IV GAME OF THE GENERATION EDITION.

Included in the stupendously triumphant GAME OF THE GENERATION EDITION (USD $129.99 WHILE SUPPLIES LAST – ONLY 5000 COPIES PRODUCED) is a rare and coveted Display Case of Everlasting Glory: a light-up rotating display case with an individually-numbered plaque indicating exclusiveness, elitism, AAAAA quality and other highbrow words describing your unwavering dedication to my ultimate reign over humanity. Additionally, because you love the finer things in life but will never be more than a tiny, insignificant human being and therefore lesser than the greatest being of them all, myself, the GAME OF THE GENERATION EDITION comes with a “Top Shelf” velvet pouch for you to protect this treasure and pass it down to any offspring I may or may not allow you to produce. And in a show of my truly magnanimous nature, the GAME OF THE GENERATION EDITION includes all items in the previously announced Super Dangerous Wub Wub edition as well. You’re welcome.

And in the event that you need a reminder, since I know human brains are far less powerful than my own perfect and luxuriously sculpted brain, included in the Super Dangerous Wub Wub edition ($99.99 USD) is a 12-inch Dubstep gun replica capable of rendering your enemies absolutely speechless with the power of music. The ultra-high quality weapon replica with its sleek design, delightful “wubs” directly from the in-game Dubstep Gun and a laser sight. Yes, it’s a replica. You don’t really think I’d allow you to have an actual weapon, do you?

Additionally the Super Dangerous Wub Wub Edition comes with an awe-inspiring 8-inch Johnny Gat Memorial Statue for all Saints to be able to pay tribute to the greatest Saint. Future generations will gaze upon Johnny’s grandeur while learning the history of his glorious murdering sprees with the Third Street Saints.

And because no President, especially yours, America, is ever without ‘the button,’ the Super Dangerous Wub Wub edition comes with a pocket-sized Dubstep Doomsday Button so fans can drop bombs on the go. Look at you. So powerful!

Fans of the game and citizens of Steelport who purchase either collector’s edition will also receive all in-game items from the Commander in Chief pre-order bonus, which include a Screaming Eagle that fires rockets out of its talons and can invoke the “Sonic Scream” attack, a limited-edition American-iconic “Uncle Sam” uniform decked out in those horrendous American flag colors and a stimulus package of epic proportions – the ‘Merica gun – a massive compilation of primitive human firepower.

The Super Dangerous Wub Wub edition and the GAME OF THE GENERATION EDITION of Saints Row IV are now available for preorder in North America and will only be available as long as supplies last.

Saints Row IV launches August 20th, 2013 across North and Latin America and August 23rd in the rest of the world. While you still have a world, anyway.

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Will you be picking up Saints Row 4?