In honor of The Simpsons Movie, we put together our favorite quotes from the animated series in no specific order. Enjoy reading through the hilarious lines of dialogue and be sure to check out our hands-on preview of the upcoming Simpsons game.
The trailer appears after the series of quotes, which we like to call The Unblinking Eye, or if you prefer, The Paddling of the Swollen Ass (With Paddles)...
Roger Meyers Jr: As Roger Meyers Jr., the owner of the park, I'd like to thank you for stopping the killer robots, and to show my appreciation, here are two free passes.
Homer: But there are five of us.
Meyers: [angry] Here are two free passes!
Homer: That's better.
Helicopter Pilot: Welcome to Itchy and Scratchy Land, where nothing can possibli go wrong. PossiblY go wrong. That's... That's the first thing that's ever gone wrong.
Agent Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. *detector explodes*
Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah right, Lisa. One wonderful, magical animal.
Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.
[Santa's Little Helper goes off running with George Bush, leaving Homer all alone]
Homer: I guess you might say he's barking up the wrong Bush.
Homer's Brain: There it is, Homer. The cleverest thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it.
Lawyer Lionel Hutz: Ut-oh, we've drawn Judge Snider.
Marge: Is that bad?
Lionel Hutz: Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
Marge: You Did?
Lionel Hutz: Well, replace the word "kinda" with the word "repeatedly" and the word "dog" with "son."
Lionel Hutz: This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie "The Never Ending Story."
Homer: Oh, so they have Internet on computers now!
Homer: [drunk] Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him.
Homer: Lisa, would you like a donut?
Lisa: No thanks. Do you have any fruit?
Homer: This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit.
Chief Wiggum [on phone]: Uh, Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news. Your husband was found DOA.
Marge: Oh my god! He's dead?
Chief Wiggum: Oh, I'm sorry. He was DUI. I get those two confused. (hangs up phone)
Woman walks in: My name is Mrs. Phillips. You said my husband was DUI?
Chief Wiggum: Uh... talk to one of those officers over there. I'm going to lunch.
Chief Wiggum: Okay, folks. Show's over. Nothing to see here. Show's? (sees plane crash) OH, MY GOD!!! A horrible plane crash! Hey, everybody! Get a load of this flaming wreckage! Come on! Crowd around, crowd around! Don't be shy, crowd around!
Homer's Brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's Brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!
Homer: Now this next song goes out to a very special lady... she's over 2, 000 feet tall and weighs over a 1,000 tons.
Man: Oh my god, this monstrous woman will devour us all! (dives away into the ocean)
Homer: I was talking about the statue...
Homer: Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires!
Homer: I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?
Homer: Bart, I'm not asking you to give blood for free. That would be crazy. You may not realize it now, but when you save a rich guy's life [Mr. Burns], he showers you with riches. Don't you know the story of Hercules and the Lion?
Bart: Is it a Bible story?
Homer: Yeah, probably. Anyway, once upon a time, there was a big, mean lion who got a thorn in his paw. All the villagers tried to pull it out, but nobody was strong enough, so they got Hercules and he used his mighty strength, and bingo. Anyway, the moral is, is that the lion was so happy, that he gave Hercules this big... thing... of riches.
Bart: How did a lion get riches?
Homer: It was the olden days.
Comic Book Guy: Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that's a *really* useful invention! (detector overheats and explodes).
Troy McClure: Hi. I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self help tapes as 'Smoke yourself thin' and 'Get some confidence, Stupid!'
Troy McClure: Hi. I'm Troy McClure, you might remember me from such public service videos as 'Designated Drivers, the Lifesaving Nerds' and 'Phony Tornado Alarms Reduce Readiness.'
Moe: Hi, my name's Moe. Or as the ladies like to refer to me, 'hey you in the bushes.'
Marge: [on radio] Husband on murderous rampage. Send help. Over.
Chief Wiggum: Whew, thank God that's over. I was worried for a little bit.
Chief Wiggum: Can't you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can't be "policing" the entire city!
Kent Brockman: I'm Kent Brockman, on the eleven o'clock news tonight...a certain type of soft drink has been found to be lethal, we won't tell you which one until after sports and the weather with Sonny Storm.
Kent Brockman: ...and the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.
Kent Brockman: Dozens of people are gunned down each day, but until now, none of them was important. At 3:00 PM Friday, local autocrat C. Montgomery Burns was shot following a tense confrontation at town hall. He was taken to a hospital where he was pronounced dead. He was then taken to a better hospital where his condition was upgraded to "alive."
Kent Brockman: We win again. But the real winners here are Marge's Hors D'Oeuvres.
Homer: How do you come up with such witty remarks?
[Kent focuses in on ear plug/mic]
Guy in the van: I guess you could say its my racket.
Kent Brockman: I guess you could say I'm Iraqi.
Homer: Get off my property.
Homer: Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.
Barney: Hello, my name is Barney Gumble, and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr Gumble, this is a girl scouts meeting.
Barney: Is it, or is it you girls can't admit that you have a problem?
Barney: Hey, Homer, I'm worried about the beer supply. After this case, and the other case, there's only one case left.
Milhouse: Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl Bart? Why did I have the bowl?
Ned Flanders: I've done everything the Bible says - even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!
Chief Wiggum: This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili.
Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.
Shopkeeper: Take this object, but beware: it carries a terrible curse!
Homer: Oooh, that's bad.
Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free Frogurt!
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The Frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Shopkeeper: But you get your choice of toppings!
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The toppings contain sodium benzoate.
Shopkeeper: That's bad!
Homer: Can I go now?
Homer: [trying to disguise his voice] Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Postal Clerk: Okay, Mr. Burns, uh, what's your first name?
Homer: ....I.. don't.. know.