The Online Game Wishlist

Written by Thomas Harding on November 09, 2000

The Online Game Wishlist: Online play will be MY opportunity to kick YOUR ass! Hooray for ass kicking!

If I don't seem as excited as I should be, then you must understand these three simple facts:

1. I'm not hooked up because I reside on cursed planet that is AOL.
2. An evil monkey is continually trying to disembowel me.
3. Not many of the games I'd like to see as Online games are even out there or going to be out there.

On the third fact, and maybe the second one if you have monkey repellant, I'm going to touch on. So without any further adieu, here's my online game wish list:

Columns:
Hey, even Tetris got a friggin' comeback on N64! Why not Columns? If you aren't familiar with the game, you probably weren't a big gamer during the Genesis and Game Gear age. Columns is a puzzle game that Sega made with a very Tetris-esque gameplay and setup, but that's where all the similarities end. The point is to use groups of three gems (sometimes different, sometimes not) and match corresponding gems into rows, columns, or diagonals of at least three gems so they can be cleared. It is incredibly fun, and at least three incarnations were made for Genesis and Game Gear. To which I want more, more damn you!

Guardian Heroes 2:
Okay, another game you may or may not have heard of. Guardian Heroes was a 2D Saturn game that was one of Sega's first multi-genre experiments. The game is sort of a mix of an RPG, Streets of Rage, and some Capcom multi-combo action. There were two modes to the game, story mode and fighting mode. The story mode follows the story of whatever characters you pick in a sort of weird anime Middle Ages mixed with Shogun mixed with an advanced technology world. Your character is hanging around with his or her friends when suddenly a beautiful female special forces knight breaks in and explains that she needs you and your friends help as she is being chased by some of the king of the land's special forces knights.

You immediately start whoopin' ass, and in the confusion, your house is burned to the ground. You then fight through to a cemetery, where you are finally joined by an undead warrior of great power who, like the female knight, is unplayable, but fights on your side the whole time. Then you set out on your journey to fight through the land on multiple paths until you reach the king, find who is really controlling him, and then begin a war on either the underworld or the overworld.

Yes, this is very cool. What's even cooler? The battle royal-esque battle mode. Here, up to six players could go head to head on each other's ass. But if my memory serves me correctly, up to twelve opponents could go head to head. Yes, "damn" is the word you are searching for. But get ready to say it again, as you could pick your character from every character you happened to run into during the game. "Damn" is right again. If you don't this sucker would be bad-ass on Dreamcast, then you need to give me a hit of whatever illegal drug your on because that's some awesome crap!

Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2:
Now don't just sit there and look at me with that "What the hell?!?" look. Despite being the greatest game of all time, this game would be AWESOME online. Sure, you could obviously post your high scores online, but imagine an online game of horse and trick tag? Yeah, "bitchin'" is the word I'm looking for.

Powerstone 2 and Marvel vs. Capcom 2:
Need I say more?

Eternal Champions:
Okay, here's another game you may or may not remember. This was an old Genesis fighting game made shortly after the Mortal Kombat craze. Its story follows a couple of warriors who died before they could have changed the world, but after their deaths, they are taken to a mysterious stranger who exists outside time. He tells them that the winner of a fighting tournament (the only way to solve any problem) would survive their fatal wound and live on to make a difference in the world.

The characters were awesome, with a caveman, some futuristic guys, a modern ninja chick, a 1920s detective with a grappling hook, and a bad assed dude from Atlantis with a spinning triton. There were countless overkills, kind of like the pit fatalities from Mortal Kombat, except a lot cooler and a lot more strategic. Fall before that fountain in Atlantis, the octopus gets yah. Fall in line with that rock in the Stone Age, your "dino-food." The one mode of the game that would really fit into the whole online gaming deal is the tournament mode, in which you could program your own tournaments between you and friends, or you and a bunch of pissed off CPUs. Imagining the online capabilities makes me want to ruin my pants... yet again...

X-Men: Mutant Academy:
The capabilities of this game are mind-boggling. Sure, you could have another solid fighter on DC with online capabilities, but if you think about how amazing this damned game looked and felt on PlayStation, imagine it at 128-bit power. DAMN!

Super Puzzle Fighter III:
Dammit, do I have to say anything?

Sonic R2:
Screw carts, their two damned bulky. I say use your shoes and tails again in a sequel to Sonic's awesome shortcut-filled, free-moving Saturn racer. Just don't bring back those creepy ads...

Well, I guess that's about it. Now let me return to my "Chamber of Doom" and continue my fasting and praying for some damn money so I can buy Tony Hawk 2!