LifeLine

Written by Chris Reiter  on March 09, 2004

Full Review: Simulating nerd pick-up lines and the female rejections they'll receive since 2004!

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Operator: Hello. I am known as the "Operator." Welcome to my analysis of Konami's latest gaming endeavor, known as LifeLine. LifeLine is the first-ever voice activated action/adventure game where YOU get to command a very attractive young woman named Rio with your voice -- who's mine as well as will be your assistant in this matter.

Rio: What do you mean by "assistant," buster?

Operator: Uh, well...

Rio: I run the show here! It's I who's carrying the weapons, and it's I who's doing all the work. I pick up the items and implement them elsewhere. All you get to do is sit there in that cozy control room. You're MY bitch -- remember that!

Operator: Now listen here, missy. I don't care if you are the one doing most of the physical labor. I'm the one who knows everything and is the only one doing anything about it!

Rio: Why you...!

Operator: If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't even be able to know which items to check, or where the items are placed. Through the camera, I see everything you see, and more. Whenever there's a flashing object, it's up to me to guess what that item is -- even though you're the one whose standing right in front of the damn thing. You could easily grab it yourself without me taking about ten to fifteen minutes or more to finally get you to notice what I'm referring to, if it weren't for the game using flawed microphone technology.

Rio: That's because my makers, Sony Computer Entertainment Japan, haven't resolved the numerous technical issues between your USB headset and the program that allows you to communicate with me by voice recognition.

Operator: You're absolutely right, my sweet-bunned beauty! In LifeLine, being able to play the game relies heavily upon the efficiency of your verbal abilities. Telling Rio which rooms to explore, which section of a room to excavate, which monster to fight, and even which part of monster's body to target is all up to you and your slimy voice box.

Rio: Eww!

Operator: Not that my voice box is slimy. Here, why don't we lock lips and find out.

Rio: Yeah right. Like I'd putt all the way over there to the control room to do that with you. Get real! I was talking about the monsters, anyhow.

Operator: Oh right. You can call them monsters, I suppose. It's not like they're really monsters, but aliens rather. The game does take place inside a space-based hotel, after all.

Rio: Yeah, and I'm the waitress with the guns on board, who is freed from the holding chamber I was locked inside after that Christmas party invasion away from those things killing everybody. That's when I contacted you and you let me go. I agreed to locate your missing girlfriend, Naomi, if you helped me uncover the mystery behind the hotel's attack. Can we do it now?

Operator: I would, but we should probably finish this review up first.

Rio: I was just kidding, sucker!

Operator: Damn! Anyway, the one thing to know about these alien beings is that you can fire upon multiple sections of their body by telling Rio which of the listed parts you want to hit -- be it the mouth, the left eye, the right eye, the head, the stomach, or even a weird hidden red eye to put a bullet through. Remember that not all of these parts are available at the beginning of the battle, and discovering what an alien's weak point is, is crucial to killing it. Additionally, you can dodge, back up, go forward, run, walk, reload, recover Rio's life, have Rio position herself in a bevy of directions to face variable creatures, and choose which monster to commence an attack on, as each one is assigned a different number to dictate to Rio where to guide her weapon upon. And don't worry, ammo for Rio's weaponry (which are items like a handgun and a machinegun) is always on the house.

Rio: Not to mention there's more than one enemy type I've got to kill.

Operator: Right. Sometimes, you may be up against a single enemy. In most cases though, you'll face at least two or three aliens at a time (sometimes more). Here's where things get a little tricky, as you may have to think fast and talk fast to switch between moving targets when up against parasitic slug-like things that can latch onto Rio and suck her life away, or an even a larger and uglier slug creature that rams its body into Rio and sprays purple liquid all over her gorgeous figure.

Rio: Thanks.

Operator: You're welcome, my dear. Mobile alien hands with lengthy tentacles that can whack you, and enormous spiders are also a part of beating the bajeezus out of some uglies. All is well and good in managing combat for the most part, with battles conveying easier-to-describe commands. Many of the game's problems, however, do derive directly from the game's inability to reach a perspicuous communication with Rio at all times.

Rio: You say tomato, and I say, "Okay, I'll run."

Operator: Dumb ass. What you're supposed to be doing is the action I command of you when I say something like, "Living area." Instead, Rio, many times you'll mistake a simple statement like that for, "Living room," or, "Leave the room."

Rio: I'm slightly tone-deaf. What do you want me to do?!

Operator: This is true. LifeLine requires any Operator, including me, to force their voice to be heard in almost an exactly standardized manner. Speaking clearly, speaking loudly, and speaking quickly is all part of the system that gets Rio to do what you want her to do. But no one (or at least not everyone) is born with a heavenly rhythm in their voice. Throughout the game, players will trek all around the hotel from room to room, searching for key items or puzzle pieces, in addition to killing the numerous enemies that appear all by way of the input from your voice. Apparently, LifeLine tries to close its doors to particular phrases, or at least work around them most of the time. Garbling words, whispering, and speaking TOO quickly or TOO slowly causes Rio to either become confused or misconstrue what you've just told her to do -- in whether you want her to take a simple trip to the bathroom or over to the save game juncture, that by literally pronouncing "save point" is the one and only route to store your progress.

Rio: I eat specifics for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and brunch if you've got any left.

Operator: You're such a pain, cutie.

Rio: I know. But at least people actually "want" me.

Operator: You're making me want to cry. But first, let me tell you that like Rio says, it's being able to identify items correctly that she'll take note of them. Walk up to a table, and you may see what looks like a restaurant menu. It may not be a menu, though. It could very well be a hotel record or a pamphlet of some kind. Guessing can be tough, as in instances like this, vague are many of the appearing products in the game. The small white box could very well be a laptop, the green box could be rations, and the gray box that shows up kind of like an office briefcase with something protruding out of its side is a flamethrower. None of these names are described anywhere. Outside the "zoom in" command, in being able to move the camera closer on a fixed trajectory at an already unchangeable angle, it's hard sometimes to tell what to look for in a word that this incompetent nincompoop would comprehend.

Rio: Are you crying yet?

Operator: In my head...

Rio: Hehe!

Operator: That's it -- you die! I'm going to...no wait. You're too sexy to get your clothes all bloodied up. You can live...for now.

Rio: Works every time.

Operator: Sigh...at least LifeLine isn't always so miserable. In fact, with LifeLine being the unique game that it is, oftentimes you'll help Rio to solve a diverse selection of puzzles orally. These mind games are decent overall, as some can really make you think. When you tell Rio to step inside the infirmary for the first time, she'll ask you what things you might find in a place such as that. It's not like a hospital is a place no one's been to before. Heck, unless you were born under a rock, you're probably too primitive to even own a computer in order to be reading this review right now (something most "normal" people have privileges to). Name stuff like bandages, x-rays, doctors, syringes, or other miscellaneous hospital items, and Rio can completely click onto what is what it is you spoke. Other interesting examples of challenges in the game are when first discovering the clues to two staff member's voice activated locks and then exposing the rooms inside, and also when Rio needs to enter into the honeymoon suite. First by receiving two passwords, you'll be able to speak the given passwords into the microphone in order to give access to the doorway.

Rio: Then I being the pretend wife will read the first part of the password, and then you being the pretend husband will read the last passage. Afterward we both say our lines together.

Operator: I thought we were married. Er, no...I'm thinking of another video game vixen. Pleasure or Paine, anyone?

Rio: Paine? Either this is an inside joke, or you're a terrible speller.

Operator: Yes, that must be it. (winks)

Rio: Thought so.

Operator: (rolls eyes) 'Course, not all of the puzzles in LifeLine are required. In fact, there's a boat load of hidden surprises to be unearthed, if you're skilled enough to continue exploring every possible inch of the hotel. Along with nabbing health packs for restoring life, Rio can obtain secret keyword commands that permit Rio to perform additional functions while in battle or on the go such as strafing, giving an enemy a low kick, or even posing sexily for the camera. There are also chips Rio can pick up. With every four chips Rio collects (there's 16 in all), a new voice-enabled bonus game can be entered from the main game menu, consisting of timed word unscrambling games amongst other things.

Rio: Now tell them how to play with me. I mean...play as me.

Operator: Play with you, eh?

Rio: Shut it!

Operator: I'll have pleasant dreams tonight! Very opposite the unpleasantness of operating you, Rio. In LifeLine, "playing with" Rio for almost the full totality of the game is in using voice recognition alone. A very minimal portion is in accessing buttons on the controller. Where the controller is put to use for accessing the map (L1), the items menu (R1), the commands menu (R2), opening locks/checking objects (square), and most importantly, holding down the circle button every time you want to speak directly to Rio (circle), your voice activates everything else...besides the start button, which is actually used for pausing the game.

Rio: To play as me, or in other words to tell me what to do, you'll need to properly punctuate your consonants and your vowels into the microphone for me. I won't walk, run, sit, or stand unless you tell me to. Sometimes I'll even perform completely opposite actions when you tell me to do something else.

Operator: It's frustrating at times to literally make an attempt in moving forward throughout LifeLine. But if you're patient enough, there's an intriguing world underneath its gameplay core.

Rio: Like looking at me all the time.

Operator: Sooooo hot! Want to touch the hiney!

Rio: You wish.

Operator: Psh! LifeLine is actually one of the PlayStation 2's marvels in visual technology. It's not perfect, but it's not terrible in the least either.

Rio: Because I'm in it! (does a sexy pose)

Operator: That, and because the game overall is nice in its appearance. We'll take a look at the hotel's environments for starters. Now, the hotel itself is modeled accurately, like you might believe what a space hotel might appear as. You'll notice lengthy hallways with that long stretch of carpeting, long walls with texturing to make it seem as those bumpy lines in the wall pop out at you, and chandeliers hanging up above Rio as she walks underneath them.

Rio: Hmm, the one problem I think you're thinking is that a slight repetitive factor lies in each individual room. I know, because I'm the one walking inside of them, and at those points you're probably distracted by staring at me and my luscious round behind.

Operator: (drooling) Uhhh...huh? Oh right, about your behind...er, the rooms in the game, while some of them are different, most of them aren't in a sense. Sure there's a few specific areas designed for certain purposes, like say the infirmary or the security room. Other times you'll mostly be dispensing similarly designed places, like the guest rooms or the suites for example. There'll be a table, a living area, a dresser, a bed, a bathroom, windows and such in every one of these rooms that look identical. Though, it's a given that because this is a hotel, it's believable that the construction pattern of the building, if it were real, would remain equal to one another.

Rio: And many items that show up in these rooms lack a certain distinction.

Operator: There are a lot of faded and washed out pieces of the puzzle that you've actually got to find a way around detecting. What look like blurry blobs and boxes from a distant view aren't always exactly the easiest items to figure out the names of. Zooming in sometimes works (which further reveals intricate structuring of anything, including the tiny textures that form Rio's outfit), but the zoom function sometimes doesn't capture particular angles you'd want to move in on -- and that only contributes to the game's surmising dilemma.

Rio: Operator, did you see what I saw?

Operator: I see what you saw.

Rio: Did you also saw what I seen?

Operator: I sawed what you seen.

Rio: What about sawing what I've seen in seeing the saw seed saws?

Operator: Give it a rest already, and let me explain how effective your defective adventure really is. LifeLine doesn't contribute too much to the effects department. However, what's available is a decent round of niceties. Rio can break mirrors, and the glass will shatter. Rio can shoot at enemies with sparkling ammo, and enemies can spray sizzling toxins onto Rio. Enemies can electricity themselves for a power attack. And shadows will cling onto characters rightly and slide with them appropriately under lighted circumstances, and even in a foggy room on fire or in a blackened bathroom with the lights dimmed.

Rio: When you're staring at me, I'm also like the equivalent of viagra.

Operator: OH YEAH! It's the short blonde haired Rio who really steals the spotlight in LifeLine (naturally). Modeled not too extravagantly or not too plainly, Rio starts the game dressed in her yellow and white cocktail dress, while later she'll get changed into a more fitting form of a sleek and sexy commando outfit. Replete with a satiating appeal about her, human-like animations, and even a little microphone on her head at all times, Rio is a sufficient new addition to gaming's lineup of memorable stars.

Rio: There are other people and things in the game, but none of them are as beauty-full as me.

Operator: Yeah, I guess you could say they're goodies in this bag of a game, with you briefly running into assorted story characters and a few monster types on the way that are all crafted good, yet the aliens are really just the same few you'll battle over and over. But forget them Rio. You are my goddess.

Rio: Hold up my peon, you still haven't mentioned me yet!

Operator: Huh? That's what I've BEEN doing throughout this entire review.

Rio: Come again?

Operator: Deaf ass... Speaking of listening, as central as sound is to the game of LifeLine, it's a little surprising how little there is involved in its making. Well, in the traditional sense anyhow. More so a communication game, the majority of sounds to be found here lie in the wake of hearing your own voice in chatter between you and Rio. Voiced by Kristen Miller of the hit TV series "She Spies," Rio's voice is a lovely mix of intelligence, attitude, fear, determination, confusion, and others. With Kristen on board, the sentences Rio tells you are always delivered in a translucent sense, and at the same time is acted out well.

Rio: Too bad you suck at it!

Operator: I changed my mind. You're the one who sucks!

Rio: Do not!

Operator: Do too!

Rio: Do not!

Operator: Do too!

Rio: Do not infinity plus sixteen-fourths to the seventy-sixth power!

Operator: You're lucky I can't count any higher than two!

Rio: No, I'm lucky that I get to work with actual voice talent outside deciphering your half-baked utterance. These other hacks aren't half bad, but they're still no Rio. I'm able to recognize more than 5,000 words and 100,000 phrases.

Operator: Duh. It's impressive. I'll give you that. But tell me, RIO -- why isn't there more audio or music in the game?

Rio: That's not my job to put it there. Well, maybe for the audio it is. You can hear me walking, running, or shooting. You can also hear aliens sliding and squirting liquid. Besides some additional environmental sounds such as fire or doors sliding open, there's just not much else for me to do or get near.

Operator: Yeah, well...these noises aren't bad or anything. There is some music to liven the game's otherwise silent progression up a bit, albeit it'll only sneak in during battle sequences. The music itself is the same exact fast-paced electronic tempo though, which I'm able to dig -- however, I'm just not going to fall in love with it or anything, or remember the tune in my head for that matter.

Rio: It's a doggy dog world, yo!

Operator: I hear that. I hear you. I hear me. I hear it all. Rio, I must confess to you that our time that we've spent together will soon end.

Rio: Aww...